Why I should be Penn State’s next athletic director
Dear Sandy Barbour,
I hope you are well.
My name is Frankie Marzano, I am a junior student at Penn State and am currently enrolled in the Integrated Masters in Accounting program. I recently heard that you’ll soon be outgoing from your position
sports director Vice President for Intercollegiate Athletics, and that’s what brings me here to write to you today.
Based on my past experiences (and the fact that I have a very good command of Microsoft Excel), I think I would be the ideal candidate for this role. I know it it could be the decision of the president-elect, Dr. Neeli Bendapudi, but maybe you can say a good word to me. Here’s why :
I stayed with Penn State all my life
Most people at Penn State may have bled blue and white since birth, but no one has done it like me.
Growing up in a family full of Nittany Lions, I always knew I was going to end up in Happy Valley, even through all the bad times.
To run the ball 4th & 5 vs. Ohio State to be forced to watch Mario Manningham’s 2005 winning touchdown reception even a heartbreaking loss to Notre Dame in the 2019 Big Ten Hockey Tournament, I’ve been here through it all. It’s perseverance and dedication at their best – the skills an AD would need to sustain success through a few dozen athletic programs.
I am a businessman
To look at your Wikipedia page, I see you have a masters degree from UMass Amherst. Fortunately, I will have one of my own in a few years!
As a student in Smeal College of Business’ integrated Masters of Accounting program, I will graduate in just two years with a Bachelor’s and Master’s degree in Accounting. This will allow me to obtain the prestigious CPA certification. You might ask yourself, “Why is this important? Well, at the end of the day, one of the main goals of running a business is to generate profits and minimize costs. I can help with that.
For example, the first thing I would do as Penn State’s new athletic director would be to reduce Personal use of a private jet by James Franklin. Based on the equation I learned in ACCTG 211 – Income – Expenses = Net Income – minimizing expenses associated with using Franklin’s private jet will immediately increase profits! This is the magic of accounting.
I know the numbers
As a determined student that I am, I have already taken the liberty of analyze the latest departmental financial statements. I bet there is no other candidate for the position who can perform the sophisticated financial analysis just like me.
I have coaching and leadership experience
In some ways, being a sports director is like being a coach and a mentor, and I know what that feels like. I was the junior varsity basketball coach at Holy Family Regional School in Commack, New York. Our team played the last game of the season at 1-10, our only win being a forfeit when the opposing team’s bus broke down on the way to our gymnasium. But it’s not about how you start… It’s about how you end.
To become a leader, it is important to be able to rally others, which is what I do in the image above. I gave the most electric pre-game speech ever, and our players gave it their all to barely clinch a win. There may have been a really bad missed call when one of our players knocked down the player taking an equalizer, but hey! A victory is a victory.
I already have goals set for work
If I have to interview for a job, I have to prepare. So I decided to come up with a few things I would do while taking the helm. First, I would move the men’s and women’s basketball teams out of the Bryce Jordan Center. They never should have walked away from Rec Hall in the first place. Second, I would abolish the Faulty Ticketmaster system which we use to sell student football tickets. Instead, I would simply implement a lottery system that allows everyone a fair share of seeing their Nittany Lions go 7-6 in person.
Last but not least, I will be raising funds to completely rebuild Beaver Stadium. ” How will you do ? you might ask. Well, I have a one-word answer for you: Bitcoin.
I am determined
When I decide to do something, I always give it my all. For example, there was a time when I said I wanted to play 18 holes at Penn State’s White Course in under two hours. Everyone said it was impossible. But do you know what I did? I put my mind to it and proved all the haters wrong by play the white course in record time (unofficial) one hour and 52 minutes. I even shot a 77 on the way!
In conclusion, I think I am the ideal candidate for the position. I will wait for my invitation for an interview.